It has been a few months since I have been able to sit down to write.  As with everyone else, I have been trying to navigate this uncharted time as a mommy, a wife, a teacher, a friend, a sister, a daughter, and the list goes on.  Balancing all of this has been a unique challenge.

Everything is different.  If you know me even a little, you know that I absolutely do not deal with change well. I live by my planner.  I struggle when plans change (I’m working on this by they way).  I like my routines and my bubble.  As with the rest of the world, all of that has gone to the wayside.

I am teaching differently.  I became a virtual teacher for the last 8 weeks of school.  Technology is definitely something I do not excel in. However, I can now Zoom like a pro, manage students work online, and I even have my own YouTube channel!  (You can pick your jaw up off of the floor now) Teaching virtually was very, very challenging.  I missed my kids, and still do, more than I can fully express.  My heart was not ready for school to end the way it did. My heart isn’t ready for the way it will probably start. However, I learned a very valuable lesson.  I need to treasure each moment I have with my students. Yes, this means even the really hard days.  I need to smile and laugh more with them.  I need to give more grace to my students, and to myself. I also learned that being a virtual teacher is not where my heart lies.  My heart is in a classroom, face to face with my incredible students. I will never again take for granted stepping foot into my classroom.

I am mothering differently.  For so long I was so hard on myself for not being, “the perfect mother.”  You know.  The mom’s who do crafts, bake, keep the house spotless, keep the kids calm….those incredible moms.  I have always felt bad that this wasn’t me.  I’m not a crafty person. I can bake, but it makes me nervous when my kids are in the kitchen.  The house is a mess daily.  My children fight with each other. Do you know what I found out during all of this?  I’m not alone. Actually, more mom’s than not are more like me.  And, guess what?  I also learned that it’s okay.  I may not be the “perfect mom,” but I am exactly the mom I am supposed to be for my two precious children. Now……I have branched out and done some crafting and some baking with my kids…..but it definitely  has not been Pinterest worthy.

I am a better friend and wife.  I realized that I had spent way too much time beating myself up over many different things.  Now, I still do, but I am trying to get better. You see, when I am being super critical of myself, I become very shut down.  I have tried to ease up on the pressure I put on myself. This has opened up my heart, and my time, to be more present with my friends. I have spent a lot more time calling, texting, video chatting, and scheduling time to be together.  After being forced to be away from one another, I realized how much I really have been taking my friends for granted. As life slowly returns to “normal,” I have been making sure to make more time for others.

I don’t know what the future holds.  I don’t know what “normal” will be after this begins to subside.  I don’t know what school will look like.  I don’t know what socialization will look like.  I do know that it is time that I give myself a break, learn, grow, and dream.  This will eventually get better.  There is hope on the other side of all of this. As we work through all of this please remember that we are in this together.  All we can do is walk through one day at a time.

 

This.  This is an unknown time. So why not share a throwback picture to fun moment in teaching?  It has nothing to do with the rest of my post….but I thought it might provide a smile.

 

A Teacher’s Promise:

I promise to work as hard, if not harder, than ever before.

I promise that I will not be perfect.

I promise to show grace.

I promise I miss you.

I promise this will be as fun as possible.

I promise I believe in you.

I promise that you are still my student.

I promise we are in this together.

I promise to smile.

I promise to lead.

I promise to NEVER quit.

I promise to help you through this every step of the way.

I promise you will still learn every standard you are expected to learn.

I promise you can do this.

I promise that you are capable.

I promise you that you can and you will.

I promise I love you.

 

I have been silent for a few weeks in my blog.  I had every intention of writing more.  Then life happened.  Actually, the Covid-19 situation happened. Chaos, uncertainty, and the unknown began to happen.  Then, the unthinkable happened.  Schools closed unexpectedly.

Well, I guess it wasn’t completely unexpected.  We starting hearing that this could be a possibility.  But, it was so unreal that it was hard for me to wrap my head around it.  The call was made to close, and my students walked out of my room to go home.  I smiled, said see you later, and watched my students leave the building.

My head and my heart immediately went into a tail spin.  My head and my heart are still in a tail spin.  I am trying to plan for the unknown, be realistic about what is happening, and prepare my heart for the worst.  The worst being that I won’t see my students face to face again this school year.

Even typing it breaks my heart.

I have heard it said that, “Teacher’s must be rejoicing! They must be excited about this vacation.” Well, whoever said that has no idea what it is like to be a teacher, especially in this moment.  We are still teaching.  We are trying to figure out how to teach our students in this uncharted territory.  Sure, we have had a few eLearning days..but what does that look like for an extended amount of time?

I am terrible with technology, so I have spent a lot of time teaching myself how to do things like YouTube, live video calls, etc.  This is not a vacation.

I had to go to my classroom today to get more materials.  Originally I thought we would be back by April 13.  Now it is May 1.  I snapped the two pictures above when I went in.  As I walked into my classroom, I couldn’t help but break down into tears.

Will I ever see this group of students in those chairs again this year?  Will I sit at this desk, with this view, and plan for the next week?  Will I hear laughter, see frustration, deliver instruction, dream, believe, push….anything in this classroom again this school year?

And those thoughts are overwhelming.

I love my students.  Sure, we have had rough moments.  That happens every year.  However, my heart is not prepared for this to be it.  I know that we as teachers say farewell to our class at the end of the year.  But this is different.  My heart is prepared for that moment.  This……..this is new. This is something we have never been taught how to respond to.

To my fellow educators.  We are in this together!  We will figure this out.  We will continue to do our very best every day.

To the parents of my students.  Please know I am working to do everything I can for your children.  I am here.  I am still present. They are still my kids.  This is not going to seamless….this isn’t going to perfect….and I have never done this before.  But I can promise you that I am working my tail off for your kiddos.

Finally, to my students.  Words cannot begin to describe how badly I miss you. I miss the good moments, I miss the bad moments, I miss the silly moments, and I miss the crazy moments. I miss the hugs.  I miss our handshakes/dances.  I miss your stories.  I miss watching you learn. I miss watching you grow. I miss hearing all about your life.  Don’t forget I’m here.   Once my kid, always my kid.  That will never change.

So, here is to embracing the unknown.  Here is to a different experience.  Here is to learning new things.  Here is to sticking together.

You can….and you will ❤

I realized today it has been two months since I have written anything.  For someone who loves to write, and wants to dedicate time to writing this blog, this was a horrific realization.

So, this got me thinking. Why has it been so long since I have sat down long enough to write? Well, the two little ones in the picture are one big reason. This is an old photo, but as I look at it tonight, I realize how fast they are growing.  I have spent the last two months trying to be intentionally present with my children.

Here is what I mean.  As a working mom, I spend most of my day with other parents’ children.  My personal children go to bed at 7.  So, I have a very precious two hours with my kids.  This includes eating our diner together. I have found less time to think, ponder, and wonder about the writer side of me. I’m not complaining, just reflecting.

As I sit and type this, I have a million other things I need to be doing. I have a newsletter to type, papers to grade, and dishes to wash.  Yet, I intentionally chose to take a few minutes and write.

I am rambling.  I’m writing aimlessly. I don’t have a clear direction, or reason for writing. I don’t have any well thought out anecdotes; nor do I have any teacher or motherly advice.

I just needed to write.  I just needed to type.  I just needed to try to release myself from this writer’s block.

Release yourself from the bonds of your to-do list, even if it is just for five minutes, and do what you want.  Sit and stare at the wall, sneak a few bites of that candy you hid from your kids, sing at the top of your lungs, dance around the house….whatever floats your boat. Get out of your funk.  Maybe I will to.

I believe in you.  Keep dreaming big!

 

Tis the season of gift giving.  Anyone who truly knows me knows that this is the season of my love language. My love language is gift giving…but not necessarily receiving gifts.  Giving gifts is my jam.  (Does anyone say that anymore?) Giving is what makes my heart tick.  I love giving gifts…so Christmas is super fulfilling for me.

At the beginning of my teaching career, I taught in a very poor area.  My students came from families who didn’t have much.  I loved every hug and smile I received, because that was the most precious gift I could ever receive.  (This is still true today.  The most precious gifts my students give me are smiles, hugs, high fives, fist bumps, etc.)

It was Christmas time during my first year of teaching.  Working where I did, I didn’t expect to be given any tangible items.  A precious student walked in and handed me a gift, very obviously wrapped by them.  They were so proud as they handed me this precious parcel.  When I asked if I should wait to open it, the student emphatically shook their head no.  Sensing how proud this student was of this gift, I obliged and opened the package on the spot.

As soon as I opened the gift, tears came to my eyes.  I didn’t want the student to see, so I tried my best to hold it together.  What I had opened was a light bulb that the student had painted red.  I taught Kindergarten, so you can imagine what the paint job probably looked like. As I finished unwrapping this gift, I looked at my student.  This student stood, beaming ear to ear, as they asked me if I liked it.  All I could muster up, without completely losing it, was a huge hug and saying that I absolutely loved the gift.  The student bounced away, bragging to everyone about the gift, and I turned my back to wipe my eyes.

This student gave all they had to give.  I was humbled that this precious child had chosen me to give this gift to.  I proudly displayed the light bulb on my desk, and enjoyed listening to the other students say how cool the gift was.  The student who had given me the light bulb was on cloud nine all day.

Now, unfortunately, the light bulb got broken when I moved schools.  However, the memory of the light bulb is forever etched into my mind.

Giving gifts isn’t about how fancy or expensive something is.  It is the thought and heart behind it. This child wanted to give me something to show that they loved me.  They didn’t have to, but they desired to.

So, as we enter into the next few days of gift giving, I hope you are blessed with gifts from the heart.  Gifts that someone put thought into.  Gifts that are meant just for you.  I hope you receive the equivalent of a red painted light bulb.

Merry Christmas from my family to yours.

There is no fun picture for this post because, honestly, I couldn’t find one that I thought would accurately depict the message.

November 19, 2019.  Write this date down.  On this date, thousands of Indiana teachers will be traveling to Indianapolis to fight for public education.

Now, I have heard everything from, “Teacher’s are cry babies.” to, “Teachers are heroes fighting for our kids.”  I have also heard everything in between.  I want to just clear up why we are doing what we are doing.

First of all, many teachers (myself included) are using a personal day to go and participate.  We aren’t abandoning our students.  Many corporations have closed, have made e-learning days, have found subs, etc.  So, no, we aren’t leaving our kids in a lurch.  In fact, we are leaving them for the day to go fight for them.  Isn’t that what we want our teachers to do?  Care so much about their students that they are willing to face criticism and go fight for them?  I digress….

Secondly, please don’t call us cry babies.  We truly are fighting for what we know and feel is best for our students.  For my students.  For my own personal children.  We aren’t looking for sympathy or a hand out.  We are looking for productive, meaningful change.

It seems that everyone’s go to is, “Yeah, well, teachers get summers off.”  This isn’t true.  We don’t get paid for those summer months. We only get paid for the days we work. Now, many like myself, choose to take less pay per paycheck to get paid during the summer, but it is the money we have already earned.  This keeps household income the same each month.  We also do trainings, externships, classroom prep, etc. during the summer.  So, if you are reading this and you have said this, I kindly ask you to never say it again. It….isn’t….true.

On the 19th, one of the big items we are fighting is high stakes testing. No, teachers DO NOT, have a problem with being held accountable.  We SHOULD be held accountable. Our student’s lives are at stake here.  We have zero problems with being held accountable.  We do, however, have a problem with the means of doing this. ISTEP, and now ILEARN, is flawed.  Ask any educator anywhere.  All of our students are individual and different. So why should we try to force them to test the same?  Why do we mandate these tests that are essentially made to fail students and, ultimately, teachers.  These tests have done nothing but destroy teachers.  Many of us question what in the world we are doing because this one test makes us all feel like we are failures. Ask any teacher.  See what they say.  And look at the teacher retention rate. Teacher shortage?  Here is your main reason why.  Again, I digress.

Wages and high stakes testing will be a main focus on the 19th.  We are finally standing up as a collective group.  So, whatever you do, please consider supporting your local teachers and students.  Wear the color red that day.  Send a teacher an encouraging message.  Pray that the lawmakers will open their hearts, ears, and minds.

Here’s to fighting the good fight.  And to all of my fellow educators…I believe in you.

You are worth it.  Our students are worth it.  Let’s go!

 

 

 

In the spirit of Halloween, I thought I would write something absolutely terrifying.  Something that you can’t forget.  Even possibly something that will give you nightmares for the rest of your life.

A view inside a teacher’s brain.

Yes, what seems on the outside as sweet and innocent, will actually absolutely terrify you.

According to google, “The average classroom teacher will make more than 1,500 decisions every school day.” Yes, you read that right.  And if you found a willing participant, sawed off the top of their head, and peered inside for a day; you might see those decisions running a million miles a minute through their head.

So, here is a glimpse of a normal day in my head.

I arrive to school at 6:30 every morning. This gives me about an hour and a half before I have students enter my room.  This time frame consists of answering email, answering parent questions, getting ready for the day, grading, lesson planning, making copies, and meetings.  Often these things all happen at once.

When the bell rings at 8:15 am, I head to the gym to pick up my students.  They are all at different points physically and emotionally.  We head to the classroom, we do our handshakes, and I ask each student how they are.  At this moment, the information and questions start pouring in.  I am often having multiple conversations at once.

As we head into the classroom, I am answering questions, collecting homework, keeping track of missing work, collecting notes, making note of transportation changes, sending kids to the office to turn things in, and preparing for the first lesson of the day.

For the duration of the school day I am teaching, answering questions, dealing with interruptions, gathering homework for absent kiddos, dealing with any issues that arise, keeping track of time, keeping track of schedules, making changes to lessons on the fly, and so on.

At 3:15 pm the students head home.  I then talk with my fellow teachers about their day.  We then sometimes have training.  I then am focusing my brain on my family and what needs to be done at home.  Often, I am also thinking and worrying about my students.

Once I arrive at home, I have a few messages from parents to answer, I do chores, I keep track of everyone’s schedule, and I am planning for the next week.

By the time I get my own children to bed, I finish my to-do list, and I settle in on the couch; I have been making decisions for 13 and a half hours.

Shew….I am exhausted just typing this.  So, you may be asking, what is the point?

Here is your well earned answer.  When you see a teacher walking around exhausted, or when you see something posted on social media from a teacher about being tired, PLEASE do not say….”Well, you get summers off.”

We know this.  We are thankful for this.  However, we have the right to be exhausted.  We pour everything we have into every single day.  Hug that teacher.  Send that teacher an encouraging message.  Heck, even a kind emoji is appreciated.

To all of my fellow educators…thank you!  Thank you for everything you do, and for every single decision you make.

Kick back and relax this weekend. You deserve a nap!

I do my deepest thinking in the shower.  I have no idea why. Maybe it’s because it is the only time I have, in silence, to myself.  I can actually hear myself thinking. Last night the following question hit me.

“I wonder; how many miles  does the average person walk in a lifetime?”

Yes, I know, not really a philosophical question.  I then did what any true adult does….I googled it. And, low and behold, Google had the answer.

Google told me that the average person, who lives to be 80, will walk approximately 110,000 miles.  I don’t know what I was expecting to find, but I wasn’t expecting that number!  That’s incredible!  110,000 miles!

Then, as my mind usually does, I started thinking about the miles I have walked so far. They have included being a part of an incredible cheer squad, coaching, walking down the aisle to my husband, walking the stage at high school and college graduation, teaching, pacing the floor while rocking my two babies to sleep, traveling, mission trips, funerals, 5K’s, the mini marathon in Indy, and the list goes on.  I started to think about the places I have been, the people I have seen, and the children I have taught.

Then this thought hit me.  Were those miles worth it?  Were the tears that came with those miles worth it?  Were the memories made during those miles worth it?   And, for the most part, I could answer yes.  There are some miles I would take back and re-do, but for the most part, I would travel all of those miles again.

I pray I have many thousands of miles ahead of me.  I don’t know where all of those miles will lead, but I pray God nudges me down the correct paths.  At the end of my life, whenever that may be, I want to be able to look at all the miles I have gone and smile.  I want to be able to say they were all worth it.

So, where will your miles take you?  Where have you been, and where are going?  Make sure your miles are worth it!

It was the summer of 2013.  I had just finished my fourth year of teaching Kindergarten in Muncie, IN.  My commute to school was about half an hour, one way, every day.  I loved my school, I loved my grade level, and I loved my co-workers.  But a position opened in my home town, and I jumped at the chance to apply.

I was born and raised in Winchester, IN.  Upon graduating college, I married my high school sweetheart.  We made the decision to plant our roots in Winchester.  At a time when many of our friends were moving away, we decided to stay in the town we loved.  I looked and looked for a teaching position in Winchester, but nothing was available at the time.

Flash forward four years later.  I had a baby boy and a husband that I saw less than I wanted to because of my commute.  When I found out that a position had opened up in Winchester, I applied immediately.

I received the call to interview at Willard Elementary School a few days after I had  knee surgery.  I also had just dyed some of my hair pink.  So, my appearance wasn’t exactly ideal for an interview I had waited for my entire life.

On the morning of the interview, my mom came and helped me hide the pink in my hair by styling it a certain way.  She helped me pick clothing that would work with my crutches, but still looked professional.  She pumped me up, prayed for me, and sent me on my way.  (I am not ashamed to stay I still need my mommy more than ever.)

I walked into the Willard Elementary School office, well…more like hobbled in, with a heart overflowing with nerves and hope.  As I sat down to interview with, what I hoped would by my new principal, I became very overwhelmed. Here I was, four years into my career, interviewing to teach in my hometown.  The town I had lived in and loved my entire life.

As the interview began, I was nervous yet poised.  I answered every question with as much clarity and ease as my brain and heart would allow.  Everything was going well!  And then it happened.  The question was asked, “Why do you want to teach here?”

I started explaining how I had felt the calling to be a teacher when I was in second grade at Baker Elementary School.  I told this principal, who knew nothing about me, about loving this town and wanting to give back to this place I have always called home.  All of a sudden, I could feel the makings of tears.  I tried to keep talking, answering the question, without sounding teary.  And then, the dam  burst.  Here I was blubbering through an interview, with someone who didn’t know me.

I was able to pull myself together a few moments later, finish the interview, and apologize a million times for my embarrassing show of emotion.  When I got in the car, I called my mom and told her what had happened.  I just knew I had blown the interview.  I mean, who sits and cries in an interview? I was mortified. I began to prepare myself for the rejection phone call I just knew was going to happen.

A few days later, the principal who interviewed me, called me.  I answered the phone….a bundle of nerves…waiting to hear the news.  That unknown principal, who is now Mr. Duncan-the principal of Willard Elementary School AND my boss, offered me the fourth grade teaching position at Willard.  I don’t exactly remember how I reacted.  I know there was a shocked feeling as I accepted the offer. As I got off the phone, tears started again.  At least, this time, I held it together until after I got off the phone.

A few years later, the topic of my crying during my interview came up between Mr. Duncan and I.  I laughed and told him how embarrassed I was and how I was also convinced that I had blown the interview.  He told me that my crying was actually one of the reasons he hired me.  When I asked if I was a pity hire, he laughed and said no.  He said that the tears showed him just how passionate I was about this profession, this town, and these incredible kiddos.

My interview was just the first of many times that I have cried in Mr. Duncan’s office.  Anyone who knows me knows that tears are how I express a whole mixture of emotions. Anywhere from frustration, to sadness, to anxiety, and excitement.  It’s who I am.  And now, I know Mr. Duncan understands this is how I react to things.  I don’t worry so much about it anymore.

Don’t be afraid to be who you are.  Don’t count yourself out because you have shown your true self.  Sure, some people won’t appreciate it. However, those that matter will understand your heart and where you are coming from.  Go be you!  Go be incredible!

This summer, we had the incredible opportunity to take a family vacation to Disney World.  We had been planning and saving for this trip for about a year and a half.  We did a ton of research on how to save a little money here and there. One of the ways we read about, to save a ton of money, is to order glow sticks in bulk.  You can carry these into the parks, and then you don’t have to buy the ridiculously overpriced spinning glow gadgets.  We took this advice, and did just that.

As much as I loved Disney, I truly loved every second of it, it could quickly become the land of “give me, give me, give me.” I want this toy, I need these ears, I must eat as much popcorn as humanly possible….and the list goes on.  My six year old son was not an exception.  He was given a spending budget, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t try to buy everything in sight.  (PS, putting your child on an established spending budget BEFORE you get to the land of the mouse is a wonderful blessing.  It makes it a HECK of an easier way to say no.)

As the first night show approached, my mother-in-law surprised my son with glow sticks.  He was so excited. Now, the glow sticks came in bundles of 20 I believe.  My mother-in-law left them in their hard tubes they were delivered in so they wouldn’t break and glow during the day.  Genius idea on her part! This did, however, mean that my son and daughter had all the glowing pieces of plastic they could ever want or need.

After we all put on our glow bracelets, and Bryson put on a few of his, I could see the wheels in his head start to turn.  Completely unprompted, he asked his Grammy if he could hand out his extras to the kids around us that didn’t have any glowing goodies.  My jaw dropped. I think all of ours did.  Here is a six year old boy who didn’t have to share.  He didn’t have to give.  Yet, he looked around, and decided to spread joy.

What an incredible moment.  My heart…and my tears….burst with pride.  And then, I watched as my brave, strong, sweet, kind, incredible six year old…walked through the crowd…and gave the kids around him glow necklaces.  I heard thank yous. I heard him say you’re welcome.  I saw other kids smile because he showed them kindness.  I saw Bryson’s huge smile as he made others happy.  I saw the look on adults’ faces as they watched this little boy gift their little one with a small gift.  And it was the coolest thing I have ever seen.

Now, we went to other night shows.  We didn’t encourage him to keep up the tradition…we didn’t have to.  He actually couldn’t wait to hand out his extra glow necklaces.  At one point, he gave the ones he was wearing away too.  We encouraged him to keep one, and he did, but not without arguing a little about it haha.  Who knew I would be arguing with my child about keeping one of his glow necklaces in the land of “give me.”

Why aren’t we all like this?  I’m not saying we all have to give items……but why can’t we all give smiles?  Kind words?  Encouragement? Why can’t we do random acts of kindness?  Why can’t we support those around us?  The answer is….WE CAN.  YOU CAN.

My six year old reminded me about a lot of things that week.  I will forever carry the memory of him walking through the crowd, and giving, just because he wanted to.  Because that is who he is…..and that is who we all should be.  So go out and be kind. You never know who could use a little kindness today.