I have been silent for a few weeks in my blog. I had every intention of writing more. Then life happened. Actually, the Covid-19 situation happened. Chaos, uncertainty, and the unknown began to happen. Then, the unthinkable happened. Schools closed unexpectedly.
Well, I guess it wasn’t completely unexpected. We starting hearing that this could be a possibility. But, it was so unreal that it was hard for me to wrap my head around it. The call was made to close, and my students walked out of my room to go home. I smiled, said see you later, and watched my students leave the building.
My head and my heart immediately went into a tail spin. My head and my heart are still in a tail spin. I am trying to plan for the unknown, be realistic about what is happening, and prepare my heart for the worst. The worst being that I won’t see my students face to face again this school year.
Even typing it breaks my heart.
I have heard it said that, “Teacher’s must be rejoicing! They must be excited about this vacation.” Well, whoever said that has no idea what it is like to be a teacher, especially in this moment. We are still teaching. We are trying to figure out how to teach our students in this uncharted territory. Sure, we have had a few eLearning days..but what does that look like for an extended amount of time?
I am terrible with technology, so I have spent a lot of time teaching myself how to do things like YouTube, live video calls, etc. This is not a vacation.
I had to go to my classroom today to get more materials. Originally I thought we would be back by April 13. Now it is May 1. I snapped the two pictures above when I went in. As I walked into my classroom, I couldn’t help but break down into tears.
Will I ever see this group of students in those chairs again this year? Will I sit at this desk, with this view, and plan for the next week? Will I hear laughter, see frustration, deliver instruction, dream, believe, push….anything in this classroom again this school year?
And those thoughts are overwhelming.
I love my students. Sure, we have had rough moments. That happens every year. However, my heart is not prepared for this to be it. I know that we as teachers say farewell to our class at the end of the year. But this is different. My heart is prepared for that moment. This……..this is new. This is something we have never been taught how to respond to.
To my fellow educators. We are in this together! We will figure this out. We will continue to do our very best every day.
To the parents of my students. Please know I am working to do everything I can for your children. I am here. I am still present. They are still my kids. This is not going to seamless….this isn’t going to perfect….and I have never done this before. But I can promise you that I am working my tail off for your kiddos.
Finally, to my students. Words cannot begin to describe how badly I miss you. I miss the good moments, I miss the bad moments, I miss the silly moments, and I miss the crazy moments. I miss the hugs. I miss our handshakes/dances. I miss your stories. I miss watching you learn. I miss watching you grow. I miss hearing all about your life. Don’t forget I’m here. Once my kid, always my kid. That will never change.
So, here is to embracing the unknown. Here is to a different experience. Here is to learning new things. Here is to sticking together.
You can….and you will ❤
Real Teacher Real Life 