Uncharted Waters

It has been a few months since I have been able to sit down to write.  As with everyone else, I have been trying to navigate this uncharted time as a mommy, a wife, a teacher, a friend, a sister, a daughter, and the list goes on.  Balancing all of this has been a unique challenge.

Everything is different.  If you know me even a little, you know that I absolutely do not deal with change well. I live by my planner.  I struggle when plans change (I’m working on this by they way).  I like my routines and my bubble.  As with the rest of the world, all of that has gone to the wayside.

I am teaching differently.  I became a virtual teacher for the last 8 weeks of school.  Technology is definitely something I do not excel in. However, I can now Zoom like a pro, manage students work online, and I even have my own YouTube channel!  (You can pick your jaw up off of the floor now) Teaching virtually was very, very challenging.  I missed my kids, and still do, more than I can fully express.  My heart was not ready for school to end the way it did. My heart isn’t ready for the way it will probably start. However, I learned a very valuable lesson.  I need to treasure each moment I have with my students. Yes, this means even the really hard days.  I need to smile and laugh more with them.  I need to give more grace to my students, and to myself. I also learned that being a virtual teacher is not where my heart lies.  My heart is in a classroom, face to face with my incredible students. I will never again take for granted stepping foot into my classroom.

I am mothering differently.  For so long I was so hard on myself for not being, “the perfect mother.”  You know.  The mom’s who do crafts, bake, keep the house spotless, keep the kids calm….those incredible moms.  I have always felt bad that this wasn’t me.  I’m not a crafty person. I can bake, but it makes me nervous when my kids are in the kitchen.  The house is a mess daily.  My children fight with each other. Do you know what I found out during all of this?  I’m not alone. Actually, more mom’s than not are more like me.  And, guess what?  I also learned that it’s okay.  I may not be the “perfect mom,” but I am exactly the mom I am supposed to be for my two precious children. Now……I have branched out and done some crafting and some baking with my kids…..but it definitely  has not been Pinterest worthy.

I am a better friend and wife.  I realized that I had spent way too much time beating myself up over many different things.  Now, I still do, but I am trying to get better. You see, when I am being super critical of myself, I become very shut down.  I have tried to ease up on the pressure I put on myself. This has opened up my heart, and my time, to be more present with my friends. I have spent a lot more time calling, texting, video chatting, and scheduling time to be together.  After being forced to be away from one another, I realized how much I really have been taking my friends for granted. As life slowly returns to “normal,” I have been making sure to make more time for others.

I don’t know what the future holds.  I don’t know what “normal” will be after this begins to subside.  I don’t know what school will look like.  I don’t know what socialization will look like.  I do know that it is time that I give myself a break, learn, grow, and dream.  This will eventually get better.  There is hope on the other side of all of this. As we work through all of this please remember that we are in this together.  All we can do is walk through one day at a time.