I often get asked this question, “What does the last day of school feel like for a teacher?” It’s so hard to explain.  How do I get others to understand the mixed  bag of emotions that occurs on this day?  How do I adequately explain my excitement, sadness, happiness, and emptiness?  How do I make sense of everything I am feeling?

That’s when this analogy hit me.

The best way to describe how a teacher feels on the last day of the year, is how a mommy bird feels as she teaches her baby bird to fly. You see, a mommy bird has spent her days protecting her babies.  Feeding them, keeping predators away, strengthening them, and teaching them.  She has watched over them carefully, knowing that the day she teaches them to fly is rapidly approaching.  She gives her babies all of the skills she possibly can.  Then it happens; she starts to stand away from the nest. This forces her babies to come out of the nest to get their food.  Sometimes, the mommy bird pushes the babies out.  This is not to harm them, but to allow them to live their life to their full potential.

You see.  This is exactly what an educator does.  On the first day of school, my students walk anxiously into my classroom. In that moment, they become my baby birds.  I spend the next 180 days teaching them, encouraging them, loving them, celebrating with them, disciplining them, and leading them by example.  I pour every ounce of me into them.  I do all of this knowing that the fateful day will come where I have to push them out of the nest.  I have to let them fly.

On the last day of school, as the final seconds tick down, I look (usually through tears) at my baby birds.  I know that they will walk out that door and become fifth graders.  I know they will move on.  That is when I really start praying hard that I have done everything I could possibly do to prepare my students for flight.  Did I teach hard enough?  Did I love them enough?  Did I impact their lives at all?  Did I do what I sought to do?  Every year, this anxious feeling creeps in, and this questioning occurs.

As educators, we may find out the answers to those last day questions within a few years.  And, very often, we never know the concrete answer to those questions. But, my friends, look out the window.  Look on Facebook.  Attend local events.  Keep your eyes and ears open.  Because, in those places, you will find your  baby birds soaring.  With a tear on your cheek, and smile on your face, you will then know that, yes, you taught your baby birds to fly.

And then, they fly far beyond anything anyone could have ever imagined.

Rest easy mama/papa educator bird.  You did your job, and you did it well.

To all of my baby birds I have had in my ten years of educating.  Fly! Fly my baby birds.  I am so proud of you.

Here it is.  The moment I have waited for since August 2018.  I am staring down the barrel of the last week of school.  Five student days, and one teacher day, stands between myself and summer.  And, even though I am beyond excited, I find myself a little sad this evening.

This year has been an incredible year, full of highs and lows.  I came into this school year after a four month maternity leave.  To be honest, my mommy heart really struggled, and still does some.  I knew my students needed me, so I pulled myself together and worked my tail off.

This year I watched student blossom and grow.  I watched students build confidence in themselves, and believe that they are capable of doing whatever they put their mind to.  I had three different students lose family members tragically and unexpectedly.  This challenged my heart, and taught my students about empathy and friendship.

I did a lot of crazy things to teach my students.  We had handshakes, I stood on chairs, I danced around, I embarrassed myself, etc.  All in the name of teaching my students.

I’m going to miss this year.  I am going to miss these kids. It’s so hard to claim these kiddos as mine for 180 school days, and then release them into the world.  I feel like I am pushing 21 baby birds out of the nest.  However, I know these baby  birds are ready to fly.  I know they are ready to become even more incredible.  I will cherish the memories from this year forever.  I also can’t wait to see where these kiddos take off to, and what they become.

I have said before, and I will say again, once my student….always my student.  And these 21 students will always be mine.

So, this exhausted teacher goes into this week with anticipation, excitement, sadness, camera memory, and a whole lot of love.  It’s time to finish this year with laughter, fun, and celebration.

Here’s to another incredible year.

When I started the journey of becoming a teacher, I chose to attend Indiana Wesleyan University.  They are known for having a strong education program, and I knew God had a place for me on the Wildcat campus. During my first few education classes, we were challenged to come up with a motto for ourselves.  Something we wanted to live by as we continued on our journey to teaching.  I chose the following:

“Change the World One Child at a Time”

I should have coined this, because I now see this motto everywhere.  At the time that I came up with this motto, I hadn’t heard it anywhere. I just knew, deep in my heart, this was my purpose for becoming an educator.

When I graduated and entered the world of teaching, I realized just how challenging this profession truly would be.

My first adventure was teaching Kindergarten in Muncie, Indiana at Grissom Elementary School.  I had the honor of teaching there for four years.  During this time, my eyes were opened to a whole new world.  These children needed so much more than just an education.  They needed love, they needed someone to trust, and they needed someone to believe in them. There were many difficult days.  Some days, I had to repeat my motto over and over to remind myself why I was doing this.  I loved my students, and as they left me and went on, I prayed that I had reached them; that I had an impact on their life that, someday, would stick with them.

I then had the exciting opportunity to come home to Winchester and teach at Willard Elementary School.  I am still currently teaching at this incredible school with an incredible staff.  This is my sixth year in fourth grade.  My personal life has changed a lot, including having two children, and my motto has still been to, “Change the World One Child at a Time.”  I strive for this every year, every day, and every hour.

However, over the past few years, I have also started to focus on being the kind of teacher I pray that my personal children have.  A teacher that loves them deeply, cares about them, encourages them, laughs with them, cries with them, teaches them, disciplines them, holds them to high standards, and prays for them.

I’m no where near perfect.  Boy do I mess up sometimes.  I get behind, I struggle, I get frustrated, and I get really down.  However, I push myself to get better every day for my students.  They deserve the best.  All I can do is pray that I am enough for them.  The greatest joy of my life would be having past students, when they are grown, see me in Walmart and tell me one thing I said or did changed a part of them for the better.  If nothing else, maybe the fact that I believed in them no matter what, pushed them to do incredible things.

So, what is your motto?  No matter where you are in life, everyone has a purpose.  A reason for doing what they do.  Find a motto, and then go for it.  Together, we can make this world a much better place.

“Be the teacher you want your children to have while changing the world one child at a time!”

Warning:  This blog post is one of the most vulnerable I have ever written.  Please be kind.

My entire life I have had “weight issues.”  I wasn’t morbidly obese, however, I wasn’t a size 2.  I was always the fat friend, the fat cheerleader, etc.  No one was mean to me in front of my face, but I knew that people said unkind things about me sometimes.  I had incredible friends and family, so this didn’t bother me a lot.  Sure, it bothered me some, but I didn’t dwell on it.

Off to college I went….and I gained the freshman 15.  Probably more like the freshman 20.  I was again the “fat friend,” but I had amazing people around me. I worked out….but I never really lost weight.  It just kept me from getting out of control.  I again had amazing friends around me, and they never made me feel bad about the way I looked.

I got married a few weeks after graduating college.  At that time, I was a size 16 and weighed in around 200 pounds.  My incredible husband never made me feel fat, and he always told me I was beautiful.  Sure, it  bothered me when I tried on clothes or was around others smaller than me, but I didn’t really change anything. I tried to be active, but was never consistent.  I tried to watch what I ate, but that again wasn’t consistent.

A few years into marriage, my husband and I became pregnant without our first child.  I decided that this pregnancy gave me the right to eat whatever I wanted, whenever I wanted, and to be lazy if I wanted to.  I hated weighing in at the doctor, and often left in tears.  I started to realize that I needed to change, but continued the eating pattern until I went into labor.

When I went to the hospital, I decided that this would be the first day of my weight loss journey. I decided that my husband and my baby boy needed me to be around….and that meant taking serious control of my body.  When I weighed in at the hospital, I forced them to tell me my weight.  They weren’t going to. I weighed 255 pounds.  I had gained about 60 pounds with the pregnancy. That was it!  I was over it.

Over the next few years, I made it my mission to lose 100 pounds.  I had a few set backs (knee surgery being one of them), and some serious weight loss plateaus.  I’m going to be honest, I turned to diet pills.  I believed that they would help me along my journey.  They did, I won’t deny that, but they made me feel awful.  I knew that they weren’t good for me, but I wanted so badly to hit my goal, that I did it anyway.  I was able to successfully lose, and maintain, a 100 pound weight loss for about three years.

At this point, Bryson was four.  My husband and I decided we wanted to have a second little Law.  When I became pregnant, I weighed 155 pounds.  I decided that this pregnancy would be different.  I would continue to work out.  I would eat much better.  And that’s what I did, when I could.  I had some set backs (my progesterone levels were low and I had to be careful the first trimester, I blew my knee out and was on crutches for a while, etc.).  Even though I tried harder this time around, I gained MORE weight than I did with Bryson.  By the time I weighed in at the hospital, the night I had Addi, I weight 225 pounds.  I had gained 70 pounds.  I was devastated, but I knew I had done the best I could.

I also knew I had a lot of work to do.

So, as soon as I could, I got back to it. My goal was to lose the Addi weight by her first birthday.  She turned one yesterday.  I weighed in at 153 pounds.  I made my goal!  And this time, I did it without diet pills.  I was much healthier in my approach.

My goal weight is 145. Why?  That is what my license says. It has said that weight since I was 16, and even then it was a fib. It’s hard work.  I am very often frustrated when I don’t see the results I want, but I keep going anyway.

I say all of this not to toot my own horn. There are thousands of people who have done this and beyond.  However, I tell you all this for this reason. If I can encourage even one person to take control of their health, then I have met my goal.  You see, I am crazy busy. I am a teacher, wife, mom, sister, daughter, friend, active church member, etc.  I have an insane schedule.  However, I also find time to take care of me.  My kids deserve it. My husband deserves it.

Do I want ice cream all the time? Yep!  But, I make the decision to not buy it and have it in my house.  I bought work out equipment and put it in my house so I have zero excuses to work out.  I use an app to track my progress and my calories.  I allow myself cheat days.

What is it in your life that you need to change? Is it your health?  Is it making time for you?  Is it reading more? Whatever it is, IT IS POSSIBLE!  Take baby steps if you have to, just take the first one.  If I can do this, anyone can!

I believe in you. Go get em’.

Anyone who knows me knows that my life revolves around water.  Every vacation, since birth, has centered around water.  In fact, I don’t think I consider a trip a vacation WITHOUT water. I love water.  It’s my Jesus spot.  It’s where a million family memories have been made.  It’s also where I fell in love with fast boats.

Ever since I was little, I have been obsessed with speed boats. Baja’s, Formula’s, Interceptor’s….you name it…I love it.  The faster, the louder, the better.  I have always told everyone that my dream was to get to ride in one. In fact, I have often threatened to swim up to a random person with one of these awesome boats, offer them $20 bucks for gas, and ask them to take me on a ride with the throttle wide open.  Everyone laughed…..

Over Labor Day Weekend 2018, we were at the lake with my family.  We just so happened to be parked on the dock by the incredible boat pictured above.  I oogled this boat every time we went to the dock.  My dad had struck up a couple of conversations with the owner.  Long story short, the owner of this impressive machinery is from Muncie, and we all have similar acquaintances. My dad kept mentioning that we kids would love to ride in a boat like that.  I was secretly hoping for an invitation for a ride, but that hadn’t happened.  By the last day, I had pretty much given up on getting a ride.

Then it happened.

We pulled into the dock after our last full day on the water.  My literal dream boat (and I am talking about the boat) pulled in shortly after.  The words I had longed to hear finally happened.  “Hey! Would you guys like a ride?” Now, I am probably the world’s most calculated person.  I would not take a risk on a whim.  Well, all inhibitions went out the window.  I took about a two second pause, and then jumped onto the dock, said yes, and jumped in the boat without hesitation. It wasn’t until we got back from our ride that it dawned on me that I didn’t have a life jacket on……whoops.

The second we took off in the boat, I became a three year old kid.  Check out the picture of me at the top of this blog post.  That is the face of a 31 year old woman who is living her life long dream.  And this picture was taken at 110 mph.  Yep. You read that right.  This is faster than I have ever gone, on land or on water, in my entire life.  AND I WAS LIVING!!!

At the end of the ride, I couldn’t stop thanking our driver. He was awesome and I had the time of my life.  I will never forget this experience as long as I live.

It also has caused me to think.  When is the last time you took a risk?  When have you just jumped into something that you didn’t calculate first?  Did it end up being the best experience of your life?  Did a life long dream come true? Now, I ‘m not encouraging you to be reckless. You need to be safe.  However, why not dive in and chase that dream of yours?  Why not, for once, do something unexpected?

Go for it!  You never know what you will find when you jump in, take off, and fly!

I once had someone make the following statement to me:  “It must be nice to be a teacher.  All you do is color all day!”

It took all I had to smile politely and walk away.

At this point in the school year, I will guarantee you that 99% of educators would LOVE for this statement to be true.  News flash!  It’s not.

Go find a teacher.  Any teacher.  Hug them and ask them if they are okay.  To tell you the truth, they will hug you back and insist that they are fine.  They aren’t.

This is the time in the school year where the pressure is on.  State tests, that are pretty much impossible, are looming.  Many evaluations depend on how students perform on these standardized tests (that is a whole different soap box for another post). Students are giving up on themselves, teachers are exhausted, pressure is on everyone, and behaviors, due to being cooped up, are escalating.

Many teachers I know, including myself, worry about, think about, stew about, and kick themselves about the school day, and their students, 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.  Heck, many of us have dreams about our students and our classrooms. We don’t have a 9-5 job.  We have a lifetime job.

Now, don’t get me wrong, we as educators knew we were signing up for this. None of us signed up because we love testing. We went into this profession to help students through these struggles.  In these struggles, we begin to teach our students about life.

So, please be kind to educators everywhere.  We aren’t perfect.  We will make mistakes.  I am very honest with my students and tell them when I make mistakes.  They need to see it is normal, and it is okay.  They need to know it is okay to struggle, but they need to be guided on how to pull through.

My students…well….winter is dragging on.  They know that big things are coming.  However, I am more concerned about showing them how to dig in their heals and push forward. Even when it seems impossible…and the winter is more wintery every day…..my goal is to encourage them to keep going.

Go hug a teacher and tell them they are awesome.  If you ARE a teacher, consider this my hug to you.  You are awesome.  You are wonderful. You are exactly what your students need.  You are enough!  Go get em’ tiger. Tomorrow is a new day.

We hear a lot of talk lately about self care.  As mom’s we often put ourselves last.  Our families come first.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with that. In fact, I believe anyway, that this is absolutely how life should work.

Being a mom to a six year old and a 10 month old, being a wife, and being a fourth grade teacher stretches me pretty thin at times.  Don’t get me wrong, I am extremely blessed to be all of things.  But there are times where I can do nothing but cry at the end of the day.  Exhaustion, self doubt, stress, anxiety, fear; so many things take over.

This past week, I did something I have never done before.  My mom and I took off, yes in the middle of a school week, and flew down to Florida to visit my aunt and uncle.  We went for many different reasons, but one was for a little brain break.  Being around water makes my heart feel free, so these few days came at just the right time.  However, the devil tried to take over.

The day before we left, my six year old came down with the puking flu.  I thought he was getting better the day we left.  In reality, he felt icky for four days.  Three days into the trip, I received a call that my ten month old had come down with the same flu. (By the way…we are six days in and she still has some flu stuff going on.)  Then, my husband caught some lovely poison ivy on his arm from cutting wood for our wood burning furnace.  That’s not a big deal..until it turned into a skin infection.  My mother in law is a saint and kept the sick kiddos…which then caused her to get the flu.  ALL OF THIS HAPPENED WHILE I WAS IN FLORIDA!

Talk about mom guilt.  Everyone kept reassuring me that it was okay and things happen…but I couldn’t help but feel so guilty.

Then, I came back to my classroom.  We had crazy weather, which had thrown all of my plans off, and I came back to a complete disaster.  It took me a full day to sort out what was what.

Talk about teacher guilt.

As I sat and reflected that evening, I immediately began attacking and questioning myself.  This is so stupid!!!  I did nothing wrong.  I took time to be with my family and to take care of myself.  There is nothing wrong with that.  My children were well taken care of, I did everything I could to prepare my classroom, and I made sure everything was in order before I left.  There is literally nothing else I could have done.

So now, I sit here reflecting on all of this. I know I am not the only mom or teacher or woman out there who has experienced this feeling. We are so quick to attack ourselves and convince ourselves that it’s not okay to take a breather.  We need to stop doing that.

To the worn out person who is reading this…it’s okay to take a moment for yourself.  Shut yourself in your room and eat a candy bar.  Eat the entire pint of ice cream.  Send the kiddos to grandma’s for the night.  Take a drive and listen to your favorite boy band music loudly.  Go out to eat.  Order in to eat.  Jump on a plane and get out of here for a few days.  Do what you need to do to take care of you.  It’s okay. You’re allowed.

And if you struggle with giving yourself permission to do so, I will do it for you.  I give you permission to take care of yourself.  Now go!

The other day, Kevin and I were sitting on the couch. I was aimlessly scrolling through Facebook, and one of those “ask your spouse” quizzes popped up.  We weren’t watching anything of importance, so I paused to ask Kevin the questions.  We giggled about the answers, and we agreed on most of them.  Then this question popped up.  What is the one word you don’t want to be called?  My husband then said, “Lazy.”

His answer caught me off guard.  I don’t know what I expected him to say, but lazy wasn’t what I was thinking.  Then I realized he knows me better than I know myself.  Ever since that moment, I have thought about his answer.  It is true….100% true.  I don’t ever want to be seen, thought of, or suspected of being lazy.

If any of you know me well, you know I have a hard time saying no…or at least….I used to.  This stems from the deep need to NEVER be viewed as lazy. I have to-do lists at work and home that I follow religiously.  I am constantly moving, constantly doing something, constantly finding something that must be done!  Sitting still and having “me” time isn’t okay.  At least, that is what I used to think.  I thought this was a sign of laziness.

Vacations, recovery after surgeries, after having children….any instance where “laziness” is completely acceptable…I found myself struggling tremendously.  Heck, the picture above is a beach vacation where I took it upon myself to hold everyone’s things while they went frolicking in the water. I have been known to try to do laundry one handed after carpal tunnel release surgery.  I have carried laundry down the stairs while on crutches.  Why?  All in the name of not giving anyone a smidge of an opportunity to call me lazy.

Where does this need to not be viewed as lazy come from?  I don’t know.  My family instilled in me a strong work ethic….and I have continued to abide by that to this day.  I think with that, I decided somewhere along the line, that I would never be lazy.  No one has ever thought this of me, at least to my knowledge, but it still is a very large fear of mine.

I know I’m not alone.  Scroll through Facebook right now. Do it.  What do you notice?  At least three people posted pictures or a status about something they accomplished today.  Why?  They don’t want people to think they are lazy.  Take a look at your calendar, your to do list, your days coming up. Are they packed full with chores?  More often than not, they are.  You don’t want to be viewed as lazy either. Welcome to the club.

So what?  What do we do about this?  Well, we hear about self care all the time.  I think there is great value in this. Do something for yourself every day.  Even if it is 10 minutes.  Do it.  You’re worth it.  You will be a better mom, dad, friend, sibling, co-worker, etc. if you take care of yourself.  No one will think you’re lazy for taking a few minutes for yourself.  As I have started to do this, I have noticed I am more emotionally available for my family.

Learn to say no.  Now, I’m not telling you to just stop doing things.  However, as I said yes to everything, I realized the time I spent with my family was suffering.  It took a Saturday of doing  chores for 12 hours to really see what I was doing to myself and my family.  It’s okay to say no.  It’s okay to ask for help.  It’s okay.

That person who walked past you while you were doing something for yourself; I guarantee you they don’t think you’re lazy. They probably think how awesome it would be for them to be able to do that for themselves.  So…I challenge you to tell others how awesome they are.  Tell them you notice how hard they work.  Tell them it’s okay to take a moment for themselves.  It’s okay.  Don’t worry, you aren’t lazy.

Now, go take a load off.  You deserve it.

Dear Seniors,

Well, here it is.  The moment you have been waiting for!  You are about to embark on your first day, of your last semester, of your high school career.  Can you believe it?  You are half way done with your final year of high school.  You may be screaming, “FINALLY,” at the top of your lungs, while dancing around your house.  You might be crying into a pillow about the realization that this all ends.  Or, you may be somewhere in between.  Here is some advice from someone who is now 14 years past high school.

This semester will fly by.  There will be many moments when you feel that the semester is going ridiculously slow.  But, I promise you, you will blink and it will be over.

Take pictures.  Take a ton of pictures.  Click away on those camera phones at every event you attend.  Please take appropriate pictures because those bad choices tend to pop back up the rest of your life.

Hang out with your friends.  Make memories. Laugh hysterically.  Eat pizza after ball games.  Stay up late.  Attend the dances.  You will long for these simple moments down the road.

Start envisioning the next steps.  Whether you are heading to college or heading into the work force, envision your goals.  Don’t let anyone stop you.  Find your passion and run toward it.  You can do it!  Believe in yourself and your ability.  God has given you gifts, a passion, and a drive to accomplish your dreams.  Go for it!  Do it!  Believe you can!

Hug your parents.  Hug your siblings.  Hug your family.  Hug your friends.  Tell them what they mean to you.  Thank them for everything they do for you. You may not realize it now, but these people won’t always be around.  You will soon head off to the next phase of your life, and you may not see them daily.  Soak up everything you can from them.  They want to watch you fly, but they are starting to have anxiety about letting go.  Hug them!

Learn how to cook a few meals, learn how to do basic cleaning, and learn how to do your laundry.  Take notes if you must.  No matter where you go or what you do, you will need these basic skills.  Take the time to learn.

Enjoy every moment, of every step, of every day, of every month of this semester.  Soak it all in.  Take a moment to stop and just be present in the moment.  Savor everything that comes your way…good and bad…..Remember that it will all be okay.

There are many people rooting for you.  This educator is for sure.  You are our future.  I can’t wait to see where you end up.  Now go for it!  The world is waiting!

Happy New Year!  It’s 2019..I can’t believe it. Time flies, but often, it feels like it goes so slow.  I am reminded just how fast life is moving every time midnight rolls around on New Year’s Eve.

The most popular thing to do on New Year’s Eve is to set, or state, resolutions. I am no exception.  I wonder what it is about a new year that spurs us to set these resolutions.  Is it the prospect of a fresh start, is it the encouragement of a new year, or is it peer pressure?  Do we set a “resolution” because everyone else is doing it, or do we actually set one because we want to see change?

I have seen a few different approaches this year, and for a few years now, that I really like.  Some people have started choosing a word to live by for the year.  I love this idea. That word can drive everything you do though out the new year. It’s not a list of goals, but simply a single word that can drive the course of our decision making.

Another approach I have noticed is people making a resolution to NOT make a resolution.  Now, as important as I think it is to have goals, I can understand this approach.  We often set so many resolutions and goals, that it is impossible to meet them all. This just causes you to feel discouraged.  I can absolutely understand, and respect, this approach.

There are still many who take the traditional resolution approach.  There is absolutely nothing wrong with this.  I love setting new goals and challenges for myself.  I am known to set too many sometimes.  But if you are still a list of resolutions person, go for it!

Whatever you chose to do for this New Year, I hope and pray that you are blessed.  Work hard, play hard, enjoy your family, and trust in God to drive your life.  Here’s to an incredible year.

Bring it on 2019!!